We carry the story of our childhood in our mind and bodies.
Every day I am humbled. I see the human spirit always striving to find love and connection. To heal what has been wounded.
When we do or say something to our children that is hurtful, the shame is deep. We don’t like to feel shame so we hide it, talk it away, and emotionally beat ourselves up. We feel guilty about it. When we let ourselves, even for a moment, lean into the wound, we feel like a small child again, hopeless and helpless.
We are triggered because it re-opens old wounds we remember in our minds, or ones we hold in our bodies.
All our memories and experiences are inside of us; we hold them in our mind/body. Some we are aware of, most of them we not fully aware of. We know the stories we made up about why we do and feel the way we do, and our strong minds defend them. We are designed to survive and we will do just about anything or believe anything. Our minds will help us create what we need to in order to survive.
Our experiences form our beliefs, and our beliefs form our perception, and all that together creates our behaviors, to insure that we will be ok. We will continue these behaviors, even when we know they no longer serve us, because our unconscious––our ‘little kid’ inside––just doesn’t know it is safe to break free! It can be so frustrating.
We don’t understand why we get so mad and ‘lose it’ when our kid screams or hits us in anger. We know they are smaller than us, they can’t really hurt us, but it feels so disrespectful and, before we can take a breath, we are reacting in a way that scares them and us! I hear all the time, I don’t want to react like that––I just can’t help myself. Be gentle with yourself, as in that moment you are in full survival mode.
What’s going on
Beliefs are formed, stored and create our perceptions of the world. Our experiences form our beliefs, and beliefs drive us. When we have had a harsh childhood, or trauma experiences throughout life without resolve, we are tied to continue to operate from these beliefs. Experiences that are not even that harsh but are repeated often enough will form conditioned responses. It doesn’t matter how much we talk about it, understand it, it still doesn’t change. Because we want to be ok, we create behaviors that in the moment appear to be the best options to keeping us safe and ok. The method is brilliant but it can get out of hand and inform all others of what we do and how we interact with our environment and ourselves.
Read Michelle’s full article on the critical importance of re-inventing yourself in our March-April issue. Subscribe.