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July-August 2008 Selected Content
Taking Charge - Larry and Susan Kaseman
"Do You Go to School in Your Pajamas?" - Responding to Questions About Homeschooling
You know the kinds of questions we get asked about homeschooling all the time. Supportive friends and relatives genuinely want to know more. Critics may be looking for new facts to bolster their criticism or for an opportunity to express their concerns. Parents considering homeschooling wonder what it's really like. Legislators may want to help or may be intent on finding ammunition for an attempt to increase state regulation of homeschooling. The media is often searching for excitement, controversy, anything that will draw attention and sell advertising. Some questions give us a good opportunity to share accurate information, our enthusiasm for homeschooling, and what we have learned. Others are annoying or upsetting. Some responses can get us into trouble or undermine our homeschooling freedoms.
This column will consider reasons to prepare in advance for questions we may be asked, general principles that can guide our responses, and examples of specific questions and possible responses.
Why Prepare in Advance
Considering the questions we are likely to be asked and planning ahead put us in a stronger position for several reasons.
• Having crisp answers at the tip of our tongue increases our confidence and our ability to respond effectively.
• As homeschoolers, we are most likely to be the best, most accurate and reliable source of information about homeschooling. If people are going to have accurate information about homeschooling, we homeschoolers are going to have to provide it. If we don't, someone else will, and information about homeschooling from non-homeschoolers is often inaccurate and misleading.
• Our future homeschooling and the rights of other homeschoolers will be influenced by what we say. When we provide thoughtful responses that are well suited to the questions and the questioner's reason for asking, we strengthen homeschooling. If our responses give questioners the impression that we are not responsible homeschoolers or are not obeying the law, we can get into trouble and/or create problems for other homeschoolers.
• Some questions give us an opportunity to share some of what we have learned from homeschooling that could be helpful to non-homeschoolers. This includes what we know about how children (and adults) learn outside conventional schools, why families matter, and how they can be strengthened. It may sometimes seem that these ideas are in danger of being stamped out by the pace, values, and technology many people in our society are choosing. We know, for example, that parents can do more for children than professionals and institutions can. We know that learning is a natural activity that people are good at when they have the support and security they need. We hold this knowledge like a lighted candle in our hands, trying to prevent it from being put out and, when asked, using it to light other candles. Among the contributions we homeschoolers can make are to strengthen families, broaden people's understanding of learning, and reduce the hold conventional schools have on our society.
General Principles When Answering Questions About Homeschooling
• Consider the questioner's experiences, perspectives, and reasons for asking. Choose responses the questioner is likely to understand, using different responses in different situations.
• Remember that we aren't obligated to answer questions. Sometimes it's best to simply change the subject by introducing a new topic.
• It often works well to sound as conventional as we can without compromising our integrity. Because homeschooling is now well known and widely accepted, some non-homeschoolers think they understand homeschooling when they really don't. Therefore, it is often better to offer straightforward, general, conventional information that they can follow and accept. If we assume that they understand homeschooling, we might be tempted to use language and concepts that actually are new or strange to them. For example, terms like "curriculum," "learning styles," and "working one-on-one with a tutor" are widely understood and accepted. "Learning at one's own pace," "learning from life experience," "child-led learning," and "unschooling" can easily lead to confusion and disapproval.
• Keep responses simple, brief, and to the point. Don't have as a goal to convince most people of the benefits of homeschooling or even its legitimacy. Many questioners will be satisfied with a fairly simple and superficial response or one that allows them to talk about their questions. It generally works better to reserve more involved discussions for truly sympathetic and understanding audiences which will be largely other homeschoolers.
In addition, the more we say, the greater the chance that the questioner will misunderstand, criticize our approach to homeschooling, or conclude that we are not doing things "the right way."
Also, put yourself in the shoes of people who have not seriously considered homeschooling or think they could never do it. Try to imagine what they might be thinking homeschooling is all about. Many homeschoolers are so comfortable with homeschooling that we think it is the natural and obvious approach to learning and education and may forget how surprising and confusing it can be as a new idea.
However, in some circumstances, a polite, effective, and potentially permanent way to discourage a questioner is to provide very detailed, dry, boring information in a long, drawn-out way. For example: "Throughout history, most people have learned from daily life, from their families and their communities. The modern homeschooling movement started growing significantly during the 1970s and 1980s. Back then . . . ." Or "In our state, the homeschooling law requires three things. First, homeschoolers have to . . . "
• Work to uncover and overcome stereotypes the questioner may have about homeschooling. Some people may rely on stereotypes because they don't really understand homeschooling but now that it has a positive reputation, it can no longer be dismissed as a crazy, possibly illegal idea. Others may feel that they should be homeschooling themselves and therefore feel guilty or defensive.
• Stay positive. Respond to criticism with positive statements about how homeschooling works. Remind the questioner of the need to separate fact from opinion when making statements about homeschooling. Emphasize that homeschooling is a choice and we need choices in education. As a general rule it does not help to attack public schools or even to make statements that the questioner may perceive as critical of public schools.
• Correct factual misinformation about topics such as why people homeschool, how people homeschool, how many homeschoolers there are, and the growth of homeschooling.
Examples of Questions and Possible Responses
Here are some questions and possible responses for people who express a passing interest in homeschooling. They are not intended for people who are genuinely interested in learning a lot more about it. The responses in quotation marks below are suggestions to give you an idea of the range of possibilities.
(1) Questions Homeschooling Parents Are Asked
What is a typical day like in your homeschool?
Families that follow a regular schedule can briefly outline it or say something like: "We study the basics in the morning and do projects and take field trips in the afternoon." Families with a more flexible approach can say something like: "We don't have a typical day as such; it depends a lot on what we are studying."
What curriculum do you use?
"Homeschoolers use a wide variety of curriculums. Some families use correspondence schools, some purchase curriculums, and some create their own." Note that saying, "We don't use a curriculum" is likely to alarm listeners and potentially lead to trouble. Since a curriculum is a plan of study, any homeschooling family can honestly say they have a curriculum, whether their plan is to follow a conventional curriculum or unschool by learning from life experience or some combination of approaches.
How many hours do you put in each day?
"It depends on what we are working on."
How do you know your children are learning?
"Because I'm working one on one with each of our children and know them well, it's very easy to see their progress."
Will they get into college?
"Many homeschoolers go to college. Colleges and universities appreciate homeschooled applicants because homeschoolers generally are highly motivated learners and self-starters."
Will they be able to hold a job?
"Grown homeschoolers excel in the workplace. Many employers appreciate homeschooled workers because they are generally highly motivated and great self-starters."
What about socialization?
"My children have friends who homeschool, some of whom they have met through our homeschool support group. They also have non-homeschooling friends who they have met through... (for example: 4-H, scouts, church, choir, theater group, etc.)" Note: If your listener is considering homeschooling, you can also mention the advantages of interacting with people of all ages rather than being limited to people of your own age and the negative aspects of "socialization," peer pressure, etc. in conventional schools.
Don't your kids have to take tests or something?
Homeschoolers who live in states that require testing can simply say, "Yes." Those in states that do not require testing can say something like, "Since I know my children well, work with them one on one, and want what is best for them, tests aren't needed to show that they are learning.
I know you are doing a good job, but what about those other homeschoolers who aren't?
Homeschooling actually has a very good track record. For over 25 years it has been clear that the vast majority of homeschoolers succeed in educating their children who then go on to lead productive, responsible lives. Homeschooling works!
Why is homeschooling growing so rapidly?
Although the media frequently reports that homeschooling is growing rapidly, actually it's not growing rapidly in most states and, in fact, is decreasing in some.
(2) Questions Homeschooling Young People Are Frequently Asked
Here are one grown homeschooler's "Top Ten Questions to Have a Quick Answer For (In No Particular Order)" with possible responses. Again, note the importance of using words that non-homeschoolers are likely to understand and of not feeling obligated to answer questions.
Why did your parents decide to homeschool you?
Give a brief statement of your family's primary reasons, such as "We wanted more time as a family." "My parents wanted me to learn values that are different from the public schools' values." "They wanted me to have the opportunity to learn at my own pace and pursue my interests."
Do you have any friends?
"Yes." See socialization question above for more ideas.
Does your mom or your dad teach you?
"They both work with me; it depends on what I'm learning." Note: Even if you take some responsibility for your own learning or consider yourself an unschooler, realize that the idea that you learn by yourself and no one teaches you may be beyond the questioner's comprehension. Since they cannot grasp the concept of self-directed learning, they are likely to assume that you would not learn anything if no one taught you. This misconception would be detrimental to homeschooling. It is best to introduce people to the ideas of homeschooling gradually and allow them to readjust at a pace they are comfortable with.
What's 2 x 2? - Who discovered America? - Who wrote The Grapes of Wrath? - How do plants absorb the sun's energy?
"I don't like to be quizzed." Note: You aren't obligated to answer such questions or prove yourself to anyone insensitive and insecure enough to ask. A short and unequivocal answer is usually best. Even if you know the answer to the first question you are asked, it is not a fun game, and the quizzer will be unlikely to stop questioning you until they have found some gap in your knowledge to exploit.
How many hours a day do you study?
"It depends on what I'm working on."
What if your parents aren't smart?
"If there is something that I want to learn and my parents can't help me, I can work with a tutor, get books from the library, look on the Internet, take a class, or use other resources."
Do your parents test you?
"Some homeschoolers use tests. Homeschooling parents also work closely with their children and can tell whether they understand what they are working on."
Does that mean you get to go to school in your pajamas?
"No." Note: The real question here may be, "Do you flagrantly disregard the learning process and live in some sort of bizarre nonsensical world where normal human customs are not respected?" to which the answer is "No" even though we do sometimes happen to learn things while wearing nightclothes.
Will you get a high school diploma?
"Yes." Note: If the questioner asks how, you can explain that homeschools are private schools, and private schools set graduation requirements and issue diplomas to students who meet them.
Don't you feel like you're missing out?
"No, I'm happy being homeschooled. Everyone makes their own decisions, and this works well for me."
Will you be able to go to college?
"Yes. Many colleges appreciate homeschooled applicants because homeschoolers are generally highly motivated learners and self-starters."
Conclusion
Being questioned about homeschooling gives us an opportunity to present accurate information that may correct some of the widespread misinformation. Planning ahead helps us take advantage of these opportunities and avoid statements that might cause difficulty for our families and others.
© 2008, Larry and Susan Kaseman
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